Are you happy with the state of the world right now?
I'm not – and I've been thinking about what we can do, what I can do?
What if we listened to each other as a starting point?
What if we asked “Why do you think that?” instead of attempting to prove our own belief using power tactics such as “my source is better than yours,” “I have more education” or “someone important said this.”
When’s the last time you changed someone’s mind with an Internet posting? Infrequent at best, right? How about in a conversation? Likely more often, though these days that can be difficult as well.
Why is that?
In my view, because we aren’t listening to each other – and if you want it, you gotta do it, model it, so others can see it works.
At LifeResults, one of the tools we teach is the “Four Fs.” These are four fear-based reactions that we all have ourselves, and see in others, on a daily basis. Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Façade (fake).
HMMM.
And best of all, we each have our favorite – our go-to fear-based reaction. Though most of us are experts in several so that when one doesn’t work, there’s another one at the ready.
Now don’t get me wrong, these fear-based reactions can be useful, can save our lives even. We need to flee a burning building, for example.
AND, when we allow fear-based reactions to be our response, they become patterns. Patterns are non-think, non-creative, and usually destructive – and serve no one.
OK, what can we do?
Each of the four F’s has an “antidote” – a way to interrupt the pattern of fear and come from response, instead of reaction. For example:
Fight’s antidote is Empathy: i.e. I wonder why that person cut me off on the freeway, they must have a really pressing reason to drive so fast (instead of speeding up to cut them off in retaliation).
Flight’s antidote is Evaluation: i.e. when I feel like fleeing (physically or mentally), what if I paused, evaluated the situation to see if it really is dangerous, and then perhaps I can find a more thoughtful response.
Freeze’s antidote is Enthusiasm: i.e. an object in motion stays in motion, an object at rest stays at rest – stuck. Get moving! Find a reason to take action, give the task at hand some energy, and you’re no longer stuck.
Façade’s antidote is Ethics: bring truth, instead of a lie. You can even answer simple, everyday questions such as “How are you?” with a real response, creating connection and trust vs. “I’m fine” which does nothing of the sort.
What’s your “favorite F” (fear-based reaction)?
Knowing that, what do you need more of? (Hint, the antidote😊)
Try out your newfound “E” today – and maybe mix in kindness, respect, active listening, and acceptance as well. These are old-school values for sure, and yet they never go out of style. Let’s see what happens!
Submitted by Dave Vanable, LifeResults board president